


PSU-Pretty Setters United

by miytzu



Series: PSU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, attempted humor at least, kind of university au, messages, rated T because of the language, the last four are really just mentioned, they all are precious, they are all flatmates, this is so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6675829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miytzu/pseuds/miytzu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AliensHaveSwag added you to the group chat</p><p>AliensHaveSwag added NotYourMom to the group chat</p><p>AliensHaveSwag added PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce to the group chat</p><p>AliensHaveSwag changed the group chat name into PSU-Pretty Setters United</p><p>AliensHaveSwag: need 2 talk abt smtn rly important laadds</p><p>“We are literally in the same room, I can hear you breathing”</p>
            </blockquote>





	PSU-Pretty Setters United

**Author's Note:**

> This is something really stupid written during Latin class.
> 
> (Forgive me for any mistake, I'm improving my English)

It is commonly recognized that four young men lying on a two-seater couch on a sultry summer day is not a pleasant sight, not at all.

Kenma and Keiji were sitting uncomfortably at the two extremes of the sofa with Suga in the middle. Luckily, they all were pretty thin, the real problem was Oikawa, sprawled gracelessly in his 1,84 meters of height on their legs: head on Kenma’s lap and feet dangerously near to Keiji’s face.

Everything started with Kozume feeling sad, it just was a bad day for him, and Koushi and Akaashi, as the good moms they were, thought he already spent enough time sighing on the couch and tried making him feel better. Eventually, Oikawa came back from his afternoon jog.

 

“Is this a family reunion without me? I wanna join too… super hug!”

 

He jumped on their sofa, sweaty and gross, peppering his flatmates’ faces with kisses.

Keiji wondered for the thousandth time why they even agreed on letting him live with them.

 

“Tooru, I love you, but you’re not really a feather, I can’t feel my thighs anymore”

 

“But it’s soo comfy, and are you saying I’m fat?! That’s mean, Suga-chan!” Oikawa chirped, moving his legs without paying attention. Keiji sighed heavily, counting from one to ten, _I am strong, I can stand Koutarou, that’s nothing I can’t handle, but I swear to God if his foot-_

And then he felt something dry in his mouth, as dry as cotton, as dry as Oikawa’s cotton socks.

 

“Tooru, I’m very patient but-“

 

Oikawa shushed him, holding his digit up to make him wait, while tapping on his phone with his right hand.

 

Akaashi scowled at him.

 

The first to notice was Kenma, who was already playing with his phone.

 

**_AliensHaveSwag_ ** _added you to the group chat_

**_AliensHaveSwag_ ** _added **NotYourMom** to the group chat_

Suga’s phone buzzed in his back pocket, while he tried to reach it without making Oikawa fall from his legs.

 

**_AliensHaveSwag_ ** _added **PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce** to the group chat_

Keiji lifted his phone from the little table near the couch’s arm.

 

**_AliensHaveSwag_ ** _changed the group chat name into **PSU-Pretty Setters United**_

****

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _need 2 talk abt smtn rly important laadds_

Suga laughed at Akaashi’s expression.

 

“We are literally in the same room, I can hear you breathing”

 

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _shut up kei-channn_

Akaashi scowled at him. Harder.

 

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _come on keiji, it’s fun_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _yass, that’s why suga-chan is my fav_

“He’s you favourite just because he never scolds you”

 

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _cant hear u_ _à_ _u gotta write here_

 

_btw kenma I luv u 2_

Kozume smiled lightly, passing his fingers through Oikawa’s hair.

 

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _FINE_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _alllright beauties, time to face 2 topics_

_first why kei-chan hasn’t changd that name yet… explain_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _yeah, it’s quite embarrassing keiji_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _I’m sorry, Bokuto chose it and I really don’t know how to change it._

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _yeah true, Kuroo suggested it_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM?_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _you know how he is_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _YEAH BUT_

_I MEAN, PRETTY FACE WITH PRETTY ACE, IT’S LIKE A MELANIE MARTINEZ SONG._

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _plz stop writing in capitals, i’m too sleepy for it_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _Oh, yes, sorry._

_However, Aliens Have Swag is the worst name I’ve ever heard, worse than Professional Hooter, and It’s Bokuto’s._

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _kuroo’s is Pussy Magnet, but nor girls nor kittens like him_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _1) kei-chan not true_

_2) Ken-chan your sass is underestimated_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _but kenma, you’re dating him_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _i make bad choices_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _1) Oikawa, absolutely true._

_2) Kenma, I know that feeling, and I guess Iwaizumi knows too._

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _ehy wat u tryna say??_

_btw kei-chan? rly? u dunno how to change your name? r u 80??????_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _please less question marks_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _Yes, I’m eighty years old, but you are five and need to create a group chat to talk to us, even though we are sitting next to each other._

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _sorry to bring this up to you, but you took an eternity to write this_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _ye i can see u sweatin while tryn find the letters_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _I’m sweating because it’s august and we’re glued to each other._

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _he has a point_

_what was the second topic anyway_

_?_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _could’ve told u before if u weren’t complainin_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _Nobody is complaining._

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _can hear u brain complainin though_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _Just write what you want._

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _there there_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _right_

_it’s been a while we ve been livin together, side by side, u r my homies and homies tell each other secrets_

_i was wonderin, as we r all pretty much gay_

_in your couple_

_who tops and who bottoms_

Kenma coughed, his nose turning a light shade of pink; Suga just slapped his hand on Oikawa’s torso while Keiji was staring at him with a neutral face, not really knowing what to say.

 

“Are you really bringing this up now?”

 

Tooru just shrugged.

 

“Whatever, we’re friends” Suga giggled while tapping on the screen of his phone.

 

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _i bottom_

_daichi and i once tried something different but none of us liked it, so…_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _wow you have no shame_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _nope_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _so you like taking it in the ass_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _tooru, watch you language_

Oikawa pressed his right shoulder on Koushi’s lap, gaining a smile.

 

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _kenma ur turn_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _*sighs*_

(He really sighed)

 

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _guess the answer is obvious_

_i bottom too_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _well yeah, no offence honey but we already knew it_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _yep, guess kuroo is an animal_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _…_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _suga-chan, 1 question_

_dadchi wears those grandpa socks even in bed_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _he doesn’t wear grandpa socks_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _u only say it cuz he your husbando_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _we’re not married (yet)_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _<https://www.amazon.co.uk/Worlds-Best-Grandpa-Mens-Socks/dp/B014V02FAC> _

_just in case you didn’t know what to buy him for xmas_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _keeeen-chan luv uuu <333_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _thanks_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _guys i think we broke keiji_

Akaashi was resting his head on the palm of his right hand, staring at his phone quietly.

 

“I’m not broken, I’m just wondering why I even live with you”

 

“Because the other option was living with Bokuto and you weren’t ready to see your kitchen set on fire” Suga said cheerfully and Kenma nodded.

 

“Thanks”

 

“Anytime”

 

“Guyss, we are in the middle of a serious conversation here!” Oikawa cried pointing at his phone “We are waiting for your answer Kei-chan… On the phone! It’s more discreet”

 

Akaashi rolled his eyes.

 

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _bet u top_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _As if I could even make Bokuto stay still._

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _u are a bottom 2??_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _Have you even seen my boyfriend?_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _well it actually makes sense, but still, dunno, u can be bossy sometimes_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _yeah, i agree on this one_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _I can be both._

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _so i’m the only one who tops_

_thats cool_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _i wouldn’t believe you in a million years_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _Same._

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _wat_

_that’s true_

_ken-chan u r always quiet and nice why r u like this now_

_how unconvenient_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _tooru i’m sorry but, i mean, we are talking about iwaizumi_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _so?_

 

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _I found a dildo in your room last week while cleaning._

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _it’s iwa-chan’s_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _A pink dildo with constellations printed on it?_

**_NotYourMom:_ ** _…_

**_KozumeKenma:_ ** _…_

**_AliensHaveSwag:_ ** _FINE_

_imma bottom 2, okay??_

_but i’m working on it_

_i’ll have hajime’s butt_

_sooner or later_

_**KozumeKenma:** more later than sooner_

**_PrettyFaceWithPrettyAce:_ ** _I’d say never._

Tooru turned his phone off, standing up from the couch (finally).

 

“I hate you… thought we were friends” he pouted.

 

The three of them shrugged.

 

“You are the one who brought this whole thing up” Keiji always had a point.

 

Sugawara laughed suddenly, staring at Oikawa: “Where did you even buy that dildo… constellations, wow, it’s quite romantic”.

 

Oikawa whined loudly.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to add some Kyouyaha but Yahaba didn't fit on the couch...


End file.
